I'm just a boy
DAY 94/365
โSometimes I forget it. The fact I'm just a boy. I'm not a man, I'm a boy.
โA boy trying to live. Trying to breathe. Trying to not resort to punching an annoying motherfucker in the face.
โThis month started and I didn't know where I was (I still don't, lmao). It felt like all the progress I made just fizzled and became nothing. I decided to give my self a break and chill. I don't know if it's working because I'm still how I was (although slightly better).
โI've realized that I pressure myself too much. Pressure can be good sometimes. Pressure is what forms diamonds. Other times, it could also be very bad. Pressure breaks eggs. I'm pushing myself too hard.
โA friend told me to chill out and try to relax. I'm trying. I'm really trying. Thanks for the advice by the way. I love you.
โAlso, something happened in my life. I'm not talking about it here but I do want to ask a question. Why is it that sometimes we can feel good and bad about a situation. I'm actually happy rn but I think I feel bad that I'm happy it happened. Sigh. I'll live.
โI forget that I'm just a boy. I push myself to be better but sometimes all I need is a manicure, a face mask, a plate of spaghetti and any of my favourite shows playing in front of me to be alright. I should probably do this today.
โPeer pressure is real btw. It also doesn't always manifest physically. It's more rampant on the media now that it's accessible to almost everybody. You see people your age or even younger than you doing things you want to but can't. You want to be like them, you want to look like them, you want to talk like them. When you achieve this, you end up stripping away who you really are. I'm not saying you shouldnโt improve yourself. But there's a difference between improving yourself and trying so hard to be someone else.
โYou need to learn how to admire while considering that their lives may not be as cool as they make it seem on the internet. Nobody's life is perfect. We all have problems. Just because they don't talk about theirs doesn't mean it's not sitting pretty in their living room.
โLife is very performative in my opinion. Are we even doing anything because we want to or because we want people to see us doing them?
โI'm energized but tired. I want to sleep but I also have to do a few things today.
โSomeone said I complain about being tired always. It's because I always am.
Ciao. See you again in a few hours.