Fat Boy

DAY 96/365

‎”You're fat”

‎”I know, you dumb fuck”

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We've all had that one fat friend. The friend everyone classified as being on the "bigger" side. The friend pushed out of plans because according to the rest, he couldn't "keep" up. The friend we'd give shoulder hugs but laugh at him behind his back. The friend we swore would never get any girl to like him. The friend we made fun of when he was already insecure about how he looked.

‎I used to be that friend.

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It's "harmless fun", they would all say.

But none of them are there when he looks in the mirror and hates his reflection. None of them are there when he feels bad about eating anything at all. No one is there when he realizes he doesn't really have any real friends.

‎Growing up, I had imposter syndrome. Not because I was bad at school or anything like that, but because I didn't think I had any real friends. People that I thought knew me were never really able to see past how big I was. Which is why for a long time I didn't have anybody I considered as a genuine friend except one person.

I'm saying this because when worse would come to worse and we'd fall out, the object of mockery would always be how much I weighed.

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‎Let's talk about the family aspect of this too. My cousins were always on the slender side of things and I felt bad about this because at a young age, they were all so athletic. This is probably what led to my aversion to the concept of sports growing up.

‎I remember one holiday I spent with an aunt and her family. We were outside one evening and most of the children were playing together. For some reason, they started singing "oyibo pepper" (I'm light skinned) and it pissed me off so much. I got so angry that I started crying (like full on beautiful tears because I will never call myself an ugly crier). The tears came not just because of what they were singing but because I knew they weren't just making fun of my skin colour, the were laughing at how fat I was (mind you, most of them looked like malnourished dogs but I guess I just wanted to fit in— big mistake). A few weeks ago, another cousin brought the song up when we were talking and it felt like I was back in my eight year old body feeling like a problem because I was fat.

‎The hits at my weight got so bad to the fact that even in my own house it was talked about. I could be sitting with my mum and some neighbours, then one idiot decides to bring up the fact that my thighs look "too big" to belong to a boy. Are you people maddd??????

‎Even my parents did it sometimes too. It was probably unintentional but it still hurt. When I couldn't get regular clothes for kids my age because they wouldn't fit me. When I'd be doing my own thing and my dad asks me if I even "do any exercises at all". Damn.

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‎All of these made me feel less than who I was. I felt like I had to change how I looked for people to like me. That should never be the case for anyone going through an obese stage of their life btw. You aren't the problem. Just give yourself time. Give your body time too. We don't all move at the same pace.

‎Looking back at who I was then, I've realized that I was never the problem.

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‎Fat people face stigma everyday. If it isn't coming from your family, it will come from your friends. And when it doesn't come from them, it will come from the random stranger that lacks love at home.

‎To whoever faced anything like this, I hope you heal.❤️

‎To those who made them feel this way, I hope you become a better person.